Working as a manager at Emperors banquet hall came easy to me, I was the client favorite, the magician that could solve any wedding disaster, or so I thought. All that gloating came to a grinding halt that one dreadful evening when I experienced the biggest disaster of my career. Two exes were getting married at our venue on the same night! I’m talking about side-by-side halls here, with walls so thin you could hear grandpa Tory’s knee cracking from the other room.
I put my plan in motion and introduced the Bride to her best friend for the night, Mr. Jack Daniels. He did the perfect job of keeping her sober enough to break it down on the dance floor, but intoxicated enough to not remember who she was dancing with. The bridesmaids on the other hand were a mission and a half to distract. I was dealing with thirsty 30something year old women, on the prowl for any hunk they can feast on. This meant constant attempts to crash the other party, which meant possibly bumping into their best friend’s ex, which meant wedding disaster and retraction of my down payment. Thankfully I had already expected these filthy maids to attempt something like this, therefore I had set up my secret weapon to guard the front door. Alejendro swept them away with his sexy Spanish accent and long gold locks of hair, and just like that they all disappeared for the remainder of the night. I did hear whispers of an orgy in the men’s washroom but that’s neither here or there. Meanwhile in the other hall, the mother of the groom was acting up. Trying not to offend anyone and keep her racism to a minimum at her son’s interracial wedding. She made her way to the main hall that was common ground for both parties. My heart raced as she was now inching right towards the mother of the bride. I could not have them bump into each other, so I decided to lunge over and kiss her flat on the lips. Old flakey lips did not taste good, and that musky perfume just clogged up my nostrils for two days. Well the distraction worked, but I ended up with the 50yr old mother of the groom sexually harassing me for the rest of the night. As we neared the end of the night I remember being tres fatigue, completely out of breath from all the running around I had done. At this point I just wanted everybody out. I turned around just in time to get socked right in the eye by old man Edgard. “That’s for kissing my woman you son of a b*!ch.”
“Omg dad what the hell are you do-?”
“Alex is that you?”
Well there goes my deposit…