It’s All in the Approach

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Written By: Classy with a K

If I had a nickel for every time someone has told me, “chivalry is dead” I wouldn’t need to go to work everyday. Chivalry is not dead ladies and gentlemen, it’s in a coma and the doctor is asking if we want to pull the plug. I see it all the time. Women go out for a night on the town with their guard so high they make it impossible for a nice guy to approach them, and men have changed their approach so drastically to the point where sometimes there’s no dialog involved whatsoever! This post is for THOSE guys. I hate to say it my dudes, but the reason you go home at the end of the night talking about how the club or bar was full of “stuck up b*tches” is because of you. It’s all in your approach! From the moment you make eye contact with a woman, you are under the microscope and my job is to show you where you’ve been going wrong. So, where do we start? Like anything in life, we must start at the beginning.

While you’re getting ready to leave the house, PUT SOME EFFORT INTO IT! We’ve all done it at some point. We look around our room, slap an outfit together, and then we do the quick armpit sniff and as long as it’s in the C+ to B- range we’re good. Gentlemen, I hate to tell you this, but how you look and how you smell are two of the most important categories on the judges score cards when it comes to your approach. We try to look our best when we go for an interview, so why should a night out be any different? Now, your outfit depends on wherever you’re going and what the occasion is. I’m not saying you need to wear designer brands and a 3 piece suit to Starbucks, but you do need to dress according to your surroundings and your clothes need to be crisp. There’s nothing wrong with a t-shirt and jeans while heading out, but make sure your shirt is ironed or pressed and that your jeans are fitted and somewhat flattering to your body and shape.  And make sure your shoes are clean and match your outfit! STAY AWAY FROM NEW BALANCE SNEAKERS AT ALL COST! Also, don’t shower in your cologne! A few small sprays on some key touch points go a long way. The wrist/lower arm, the neck, and the hands are some places that your cologne will be noticed the most and aroma is everything! We are driven by our 5 senses and you have already taken care of two of them.

Now, there’s a lot of places to meet women but for the sake of this post I’m going to focus on the downtown night life scene (bars/pubs/and nightclubs). So phase one is complete, you look and smell your best and now you are about to head out with your friends for a fun night out full of drinks, laughs, music, and hopefully, an encounter with a beautiful woman. Your approach in the nightlife scene will never be the same as your approach in a grocery store, but let’s be real.. who even goes to a grocery store anymore to meet people?! When out for a night on the town, your biggest tool will be a pack of gum in your pocket. Don’t kid yourselves gents, when alcohol is involved, your breath smells worse than ass and you are about to engage in conversation in closer proximities then you’ve ever encountered before. But, before we get to that, your first point of contact will involve no physical contact at all. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT think that you can just go up to a group of women and grab the one you like and start talking. If you see a group of women walking towards you, you best believe they are not walking towards you. Remember, they have a guard more impenetrable than Area 51 and your best move right now is to step aside and hold your arm out so as to say, “Excuse me. Ladies first”.

I must admit I’ve seen guys walk up to a girl, grab her by the waist, and start dancing with her without saying a word and it worked. Don’t be that guy! If you see a girl you would like to dance with or buy a drink for, remember, you need to talk to her first. Start by paying attention to the details. Is she in a larger group than yours or a smaller one? This makes a difference in your approach because if her group is larger than yours there’s a strong possibility a few of her friends will be sitting on the side lines and nothing hurts you more than bitter friends. If your group is larger than hers then your friends need to figure out who’s going to talk to who because there is nothing worse than 3 guys pea-cocking for one girl in the group. It might seem stupid to you, but a girl will very rarely ditch her group for you so you need to find a way to include her friends in your approach, otherwise, instead of a number at the end of the night all you’ll have is your laptop in a dark room and Google. Okay, now the fun part – the approach. I’d be lying if I told you that patience won’t be necessary. You have to wait for your moment and the minute you see it, take a deep breath and swoop on in. The moment I’m referring to is one where she doesn’t have a drink in her hand and she’s already rejected almost every guy who thinks they’re Rico Suave in the club/bar/pub, which might include one or two of your friends by the way. “Wait, why do I have to wait for her to reject guys bro?!” Good question! You want her to have established a “bar” or “standards” which right now is going to be pretty damn low. You’re about to use the douche-bags and a**holes to your advantage and here’s how: They’ve probably gone up to the group with some God-awful line or pick up tactic with the stench of booze on their breath and probably on their shirts if they weren’t careful. Oh yeah, gentlemen, when walking through the crowd, don’t push your way through. Be a gentlemen and step aside to let people pass otherwise you’ll end up with half of your drink on the floor and the other half on your clothes. Remember that pack of gum sitting in your pocket?! Now would be the time to pop one of those bad boys and make sure it’s mint! There is nothing attractive about the scent of Juicy Fruit or Bubble Gum on a man. Now, if you’re in a bar or a pub there probably won’t be loud music involved so don’t get all up in her face trying to tell some jokes or seem charming. In that scenario you want to keep a little bit of a distance between the two of you. In the club, however, this is when you want to get close. It’s at this point that I must remind you young sirs to FORGET EVERYTHING YOU SAW ON JERSEY SHORE! If I had a whole bunch of cameras on me every time I went out I could say whatever I want too, but that’s not how the real world works! You have your gum, you have your fresh threads, and you smell fantastic. All you have to do is say the right thing first. Let’s look at some examples of what NOT to say:

“Hey Beautiful”

“Yo Baby”

“Ey Babygirl”

“Yo can I buy you a drink?”

“Umm Hi”

STAY AWAY FROM NICKNAMES! And the minute you say, “Umm” just walk away because women like a man with a certain level of confidence and there is absolutely nothing confident about the word, “Um”. Okay, so now you’ve walked up to this beautiful woman and the music is so loud you can’t even hear yourself think. This is when you make your first contact. Chances are she knows you’ve approached the group and she’s given you the cold shoulder because don’t forget, she’s gone through a few guys at the club who had no idea what they were doing. But you sir are going to be different! Touch her around her mid-back area gently. Do not grab! Just place your hand there to get her attention and say, “Excuse me”. She will turn around, and the minute she does you need to smile at her and say one of the most unique things a woman will hear at a nightclub, “Hi. How are you?” Is your mind blown at how unique those four words are?! You need to show interest in something other than buying her a drink or getting her on the dance floor because if you really want that number by the end of the night you need to be interesting and the only way to showcase yourself is by chatting! One of the best parts about chatting in a club is how close you can get without getting a purse to the side of the head. When introducing yourself this would be the time to lean in and talk in her ear. Get close enough so you don’t have to yell, but not so close that you’re spitting on her ear drum and do not press your body against hers! Keep a little bit of a distance so that you have to stretch your neck a little bit. While you’re talking she’ll be right next to your neck which will be releasing that scent you sprayed earlier on that exact spot. Now it’s all starting to click! The receptors in her brain are shooting off like rockets because now she’s associated a great smell with you. Ask her questions about herself! Do not ask her about what she wants to do in life or where she sees herself in 5 years! But questions like, “So what brings you out tonight?” or things along those lines are perfect. Now that you’ve had her chatting for a minute or two, compliment her. Don’t tell her she’s the most beautiful girl at the club, don’t tell her how bangin’ her body is, and do not tell her that she’s sexy. She’s heard it all before! You need to pick something small, something none of the others have noticed. Jewelry, shoes, hair, something not obvious. Point out how her earrings match her bracelet or how her shoes totally stand out. It might come off as swinging for the other team to you, but to her it’ll show that you actually have some sort of fashion sense and an attention to detail which is actually a very attractive quality to a woman. Once you’ve complimented her and she seems to be warming up to you, ask her if you may buy her a drink. Do not tell her you’re going to buy her a drink, always always always ask. Don’t try to be James Bond and assume you know what her drink is either because if you get it wrong.. you just look like an idiot. Questions like, “So what are you having?” or, “What would the lady like?” are perfectly acceptable and classy. You might need to buy some drinks for a few of her friends too but I’ll let you be the judge of that when the time comes. I feel like this goes without saying but hopefully you and your friends have sprung for a booth at the club because this is the time to invite this beautiful woman and her friends to come hang out with your friends. Keep working your magic and stay away from cliches or lines and you’ll have her number by the end of the night. OH, and gentlemen, the number one question you should never ever ask, “So, do you have a boyfriend?” OH MAN when I hear that question a piece of my soul dies. If she has a man, she’ll tell you. TRUST ME you won’t have to ask. Okay gents, that’s it for me and my advice. Remember every woman is different and every man is different. The key is to hit the 5 senses. Look your best, smell your best, be genuine and sincere when you speak, and know when to make physical contact but make sure you keep it to a minimum. But what about taste?! If you smell great, this will be taken care of because there is nothing more powerful than the sense of smell which also hits your taste buds. But most importantly, be yourself and find your groove and always be a gentlemen and always stay classy. Cheers!

-Classy With a K


Thank you to my very dear friend and first featured writer on this blog ,”Classy with a K” for his remarkable post.  Giving us a man’s How to guide on approaching women. It was definitely a fun read and I hope you all enjoy it too. 


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